Timely argument against spanking justifications

 Modern-Day No Spanking

Why Timely?

    Spanking was largely seen as a reasonable things to do back in the day given the situational context of lack of knowledge. It's similar to how a child learns thru trial and error.


Reasons:

  • "I was hit and I turned out fine" or "I was hit and suffer from a psychological condition known as "respect for others""
    • could you have been a better person if you weren't hit?
    • A thief that had their hand chopped off for stealing can theoretically say the same thing, thinking they deserved to get their hands cut off for stealing.
    • Basically the same thing as saying: I'm going to expect and wait till my son murders someone then I'll whip him, at that point the damage has already been done is the way you should see it.
      • waiting for the crime to take place, prevent it
      • Prevention is better than cure
        • A smart parent would prevent the desire from developing
      • Sure, at that time in moment, you can choose between the lesser of the two evils.
      • Best crime prevention is formal academic education and fostering curiosity not dogmatic boredom. This is what we mean by "get busy with life."
    • too much respect is a bad thing
      • This leads to overly relying in family for support, also known as attachment issues
      • is a form of trauma
    • Think of this as a form of unintentional side effects
      • against it because of the practical effects, such as decreased grey matter in brain, this makes it harder for children to learn new concepts, why do you think the children that are spanked end up average kids?
    • See this article for examples applied to other things: https://www.nytimes.com/2018/11/27/well/family/the-fallacy-of-the-i-turned-out-fine-argument.html
    • What does turned off fine even mean?
      • Even a person who was raped can still "turn out fine" 10 years later. That does not mean they didn't suffer with intrusive thoughts, misplaced emotions, decreased sense of intellectual curiosity, for the past number of years.
      • By using I turned out fine argument, you are invariably justifying many things, such as rape, or slavey just because the black today turned out fine even though their ancestors are unjustifiable slaves.
  • Think about what a wild claim this would be and how they would be directly correlated: WTF? Spanking Young Children Makes Academically Successful Teenagers
    • Do not think of this as "wild," but rather look at it with an open mind.
  • Sure, we resorted this method in dire times, however, we know now that, generally, prevention is better than cure, and is it best to avoid situations where this would happen
    • It's no different than letting your son murder and then whipping him for it.
    • "Before we understood science, it was natural to believe that God created the universe, but now science offers a more convincing explanation" 
    • Same thing as deciding not to put son in a temptation environment, such as not putting son in a strip club, not allowing schools to be build near strip clubs
  • Spanking has no specific goal, and we know that when we don't have a specific goal, all goes to shit.
  • Spanking is correlated with a lack of ability to pursue curiosity optimally
  • "Spanking teaches self-control" where one must limit their desires to see the bigger goal
    • You can teach them this thru practical reasons instead of hitting them. You are usually not in an emergency situation where you need to hit them in order to save them, like slapping someone's ass to prevent getting stung by a wasp that was already there.
    • By not caring about the reason why because it morally does not matter, you are ignoring the practical factors that caused the situation to happen and potential ways to mitigated instead of teaching self-control. It's similar to getting mad at daughter for being raped and blaming her for not having enough self-control to wear less revealing clothing on the beach.
  • Spanking was justified "back then"
    • early conclusion
  • Non-verbal communication between parent and child told child they are allowed to do the thing they have done "wrong"
    • Non-verbal communication is just as important as verbal communication, by exposing children to environment without pre-warnings like construction workers do, they fall victim to thinking they don't need guidance. All a person needed at that age was someone to be by their side for a day guiding them on what to and not to do, and it wouldn't take hitting someone to do that to learn self-control without messing up their intellectual mental actions.
      • Environmental influences play a bigger role than influences in the home
    • Spanking shows that parents indirectly allowed that behavior to continue by not effectively addressing it to begin with.
    • Similar to learning of unspoken rule
  • Proactive parenting not reactive parenting - we don't punish criminals before they commit a crime, only after.
    • Example: In the same way we knowingly don't expose our children to porn because we know and expect them to become hooked or addicted to it, same thing with putting them in an environment with new things, we should expect that they would need to learn self control  before they go into a place and when they fail, you teach them practically by taking one of their things away
    • Same example, just less extreme: in the same way, we don't expose children to high voltage outlets, hell we don't even let adults go there without protection, same thing can be said about children, we shouldn't expose them with things they aren't ready to see without the proper self-control, this is called proactive parenting, expecting when their children will commit crimes to proactively prevent it. Same logic works on children as well.
    • teach them practical morality
  • Spanking teaches curiosity is bad, and the more you limit curiosity in the presence of their experience, the less curious they are and tend to not perform as well academically, this is shown by how the south is behind in education.
    • Spanking decreases intellectual curiosity
  • Spanking can be used to teach morally right but can also be used to teach morally wrong things too. If someone would beat her and ask her to kill someone else because they beat her, she needs to know why that is wrong even if they beat her and refuse to kill said person just because they beat her. Just because you hit someone does not mean they are right and that is what spanking teachers, that some things are wrong because of dogma and practical pain inflicted and without practical reason as to why the world would be a better place if we didn't steal others' belongings.
  • Look at it from a kids' perspective (empathize), all they see is a shiny new thing and they are curious about it, whilst you know it's a wolf in sheep's skin, ideally you wouldn't expose your kid to these things, as it can create subtle forms of hidden trauma as those unexplained feelings are.
    • Yes, scientists don't pursue curiosity to the point of stealing others' belongings, but they do this by avoiding situations, not putting themselves in situations of temptation and actively trying resist it. This is why I am saying environment matters. Environment is a cause and a form of non-verbal communication, and free will does not exist
      • "Free Will Does Not Exist" See: cause of [intrusive] thoughts
  • Is it wrong because you were hit or because it causes harm to another person that trusted you with their belonging in your presence?
  • "kids are amoral"
    • Human developed desires are complicated and more than just "amoral" 
  • Possible future study: Spanking lowers HGH production and decreases height
  • Would you spank your child in front of a doctor?
  • Misconception about spanking is that it affects not only what you think it affects (expecting that toddlers can associate pain with wrongdoing), when in reality, it has many unintended side effects such as reduced grey matter, lack of academic comprehension. Perfect person is a scientist.
    • Why do you think all of the places that are vehemently pro-spanking have the worst test scores? Find stereotypes that outcast this.
  • Leads to more internal problems
    • You can't tell me that you didn't face internal second thoughts about random ideas
  • Children don't have malicious intent
  • don't want to be helpless
  • If it works so well why don't use it all the time? Even for minor, first-time infractions?
  • Human desires are complicated, and I want to spend the time to understand them.
    • This implies a lack of understanding children and of their desires apart from "pain can solve problems"
  • Most people aren't ready to have a kid, all people need is a dick and a vagina and they reproduce
  • It prevents children's confident in trying new things
    • This is where children get that shyness factor
  • It teaches children to stigmatize everything and stop thinking
  • Causes confusion, why is this bad?
  • Why are we born imperfectly?
    • why is evil possible?
    • why am I a human being?
  • Emphasize with children
    • Children "steal" things simply because they are curious, in reality, stealing is nothing but a social construct, nothing is technically owned by anyone.
    • Yes, curiosity does not justify theft, however, it is important to give children a place where they can freely explore their curiosity for hours on end, instead of taking them everywhere you go, this leads to less intellectual development being in an environment where they can't practice curiosity.
  • Same way you wouldn't bring children to a strip club or a movie theater because they'll be too loud.
    • Putting children in places where you know they'll act up is like putting them in a strip club and getting mad at them for looking at the hookers. Looking is an interactive action too.
  • Spanking logic can be used to justify flogging of adults, when, in reality, we know there are better options for adults, sure, we can reason with them easier, however, this shows that it is the parent that cannot reason with the toddler because they forced another person to be in this world.
  • Same thing as you consciously not putting yourself in situations where you will feel tempted (like a strip club) or jealous, same thing can be applied to children.
    • Instead, what reasonably adults do is avoid places like that instead of being forced to be there and act like you're not tempted.
    • Avoiding problems
  • Cause of behavior is presence of environment. Sure, resilience and self-control are important, but it's smarter to avoid a problem than to create one and solve it.
  • "Idle hands are the devils workshop"
    • Give them something to do so they don't go worrying too much about the neighbors stuff
    • Look at it from their perspective (empathize with them), realize that they are just curious and are born with no malicious intent, rather that is learned and all feelings, including mental feelings can be explained, proving free will does  not exist.
    • The best cure is prevention and the best prevention of bad things is to be worried about doing something good.
  • Put them in a place where they wouldn't have to practice dogmatism or something they don't understand
    • If they act up in a store, simply don't take them to the store, leave them at a place like daycare or gymnastics practice where they can practice their curiosity. This is what the upper-class parents do and they don't have to spank their kids, with all of the pro-spankers complaining about.
  • Spanking is just as much as "coddling" is as much as someone doesn't want murder to be legal
    • send your kids off to a private school instead of a public one because I know there are bad influences there.
  • Family time isn't always a good thing
    • sometimes too much family time can take away from intellectual gains
  • It's not good to be in an area that does not foster intellectual concerns often, this depends on the goal, but if you want academically and intellectually smart children, you need to train as such.
  • Care to understand children's' behavior, if you did, you know the verbally communicating isn't the best way, rather showing them active preventive measure such as sports, etc. is much better.
  • Needing to spank is no different than putting your kid in a shit situation and getting "mad" at them for acting like shit, unless it was all planned out.
    • For example, when kids stole the things from neighbor, the mother should have expected her kids to be bored and do something about it like putting them in sports or some camps or something.
  • If your first time telling your child to do something is ineffective, that is your fault, not theirs
    • Basically, communicating with your child via words isn't effective, actions speak louder than words. In their perspective, it's nothing different than your boss telling you something in a light voice, and you interpreting it differently than what they intended it to since they spoke so softly and them getting mad at you for doing it differently and now they want to hit you.
  • If you have a cookie jar that your child steals from, maybe they aren't old enough to be exposed to the cookie jar temptation, like gold, keep it hidden in the bank or a vault somewhere. In their eyes, it's the gold, when they're older they can realize they should enjoy in moderation.
    • needing to spank is like putting a candy in a child's face and getting mad at them for being tempted to want to eat it. Think of mental actions.
    • It is basically an unnecessary temptation or an unnecessary experience.
  • Spanking decreases intellectual development
  • How do you teach your kids that stealing is "wrong" - meaning you can't objects that are not in your belonging without others' granted permission.
    • Wait until they're older to expose them to certain environments (see: movie theater example), then teach them by reasoning with them and if that does not work, take something of theirs away.
    • it's important to consider why kids are doing so and sympathize with their perspective.
    • Yes, stealing is wrong even if bored, but it's even more wrong to be bored, kids should be constantly engaged with something productive to do to engage their intellectual minds.
  • Spanking does not really teach right and wrong, nor does it remind someone of something. It merely disrupts their ability to learn from failure and look at a situation objectively, this decreasing intellectual capacity.
  • There are bad things in this world, certain bad things they shouldn't be exposed to regardless of age.
    • Such as a tobacco store, there is a reason why tobacco stores are not built nearby schools
    • Kids don't know what to avoid
    • Precaution
    • Sure, they still have to be moral in dire situations, but it'd be smarter to avoid those dire situations rather than have to face it.
  • Brain stimulation
    • I want to make my kid moral by proving brain stimulation
  • The fact that spanking is more common in areas with a lack of opportunity and education is clear to me why spanking is something that should be stopped.
  • Kids start exploring using trial and error
  • Don't be too worried about kids stealing. Stealing is wrong, sure, but you shouldn't be voluntarily putting yourself in tempting situations either. it's like avoiding going to the strip club, this is why strip clubs aren't placed nearby schools.
    • Addressing an act as "stealing" oversimplifies the intracies involved with the event. It fails to answer the question behind the chain of events leading to this event (otherwise known as the why). It's as if I drive into ditch then get out.
  • Being social is acceptable, however, being too socialabe is not.
  • The best way not to get tempted with something is to get busy with something else
  • Children are not distracted, they are merely curious, this is an unbiased way of looking at it without applying any sort of goal oriented words to it.
    • take your time doing something else in the meantime utilize your body some other way
  • Spanking takes effort to put into implying an unneutral position
    • movements can be measured by level of effort
  • It's up to the adult to make it make sense to a child
    • Sure, pain works, we all feel pain.
  • feelings are neither good nor bad
  • The human brain does not make sense sometimes
    • Making sense is what you expect the outcome to be - that is a bias merely based on past experiences, however, I do agree there is an objective standard to evaluate which arguments are more rational, however, in order to reach there, that itself takes time and patience and a calm environment to think of such thoughts.
  • Spanking for running in the street is no different than forcing your kid to a booby trapped home and getting mad at him for exploring it, the point is you should place your toddler in a place where it fosters curiosity, not endangers. Similar to how you plug up the outlets in the home, same logic applied here.
  • Risks are everywhere, the kid shouldn't have to take deathly risks such as living because of your selfishness.
  • I'd rather my child wake up to a world of possibilities
  • Instead of being moral in tempting situations, why not make it easier to be moral by completely avoiding those tempting situations.
    • It does not make sense to willfully go into a strip club and resist temptation, rather just completely avoid the place by taking a different route.
    • look at it from a kids' perspective, it's as if you're taking them to a tempting place voluntarily and expecting them to behave as otherwise.
  • It does not make sense to force someone into a moral dilemma and try to get them out of it by hitting them, it would make more sense to avoid that situation and fill your experiences in life with something else. 
  • prevention by getting busy with something else
    • Similar to how a person can get over a breakup by doing things other than constantly pondering about.
    • In other words: Get busy with life, keep your kids busy - you wouldn't let your kid just sit around the house in the summertime, therefore, you shouldn't do the same when you're just "getting groceries" by leaving them at home, rather give them something to do.
    • kids need to be constantly engaged with something to do or else they will turn their curiosity to their everyday life
      • For example, instead of not letting your child draw on the wall, purchase a wall cover that allows them to draw on the walls without damaging the actual wall which is your concern, not only is this effective in letting them pursue their curiosity, but also practically balances your concerns of not damaging the wall.
      • Similar to how you wouldn't trust a child to run a desk job, same thing can be said about trusting a child with unblemished wall.
    • All it takes is knowing how a child's brain works on a relatively intricate level to understand the more complex things a parent must do in order to successfully raise intellectual and moral kids.
  • Provide them a place to be curious
    • Sports is the best preventative medicine and helps one encourage curiosity of body awareness.
  • Sure you may have been taught "respect" -> however, being too nice is also a bad thing. It shows you are (overly) reliant on others' morality and opinions.
  • Spanking does not truly work long-term based on how the brain works, don't oversimplify it.
  • In order to be moral you need to be in an environment which encourages morality, this is why you don't see protestors rallying against adult clubs
    • not all moral environments are the same
  • Similar to how you wouldn't hire an unable-bodied person for a job since you know they wouldn't have the mental fortitude to do so
    • This is why background checks are important as they ensure
  • Spanking stigmatizes mistakes, which doesn't lead to development as to why some things are bad, rather just knowing that they are. That is not very intellectual or academic.
  • (unconditional) Moral perfectionism is never possible
    • Everyone will fold if tortured enough
  • Ritualized spanking uses the same logic as those who are bad guys
  • Making sense of confusion
  • Spanking affects a person in ways they may not realize or comprehend
    • For example, if you were spanked you may be more vulnerable to forgetting things, etc. It can and will affect mental function in ways that are unnoted.
  • Spanking can cause social anxiety of being near people and can lead to unreasonable trust



Why?


    I've always had this intuition in my head since I was a kid that the mere idea of hitting someone and violence in general naturally hurt my head.

    I also know that this is not how scientists raise their children

    Necessary evil: use as mental tools not curiosity

Sources

  • https://reddit.com/u/anonymousebe_new
  • https://reddit.com/u/anonymousebe_SFW
  • https://reddit.com/u/ConservativeMother
    • look for the post on r/parenting subreddit on how to teach child on stealing is wrong without spanking.


Keywords:

Social lens, how the brain works, moral environment, sociology, psychology, conditioning, human behavior conditioning, behavior, natures' behavior, environmental behavior, we are our environment, we are a part of environment, thoughts affect feelings, observe your thoughts, unbiased feelings, necessary evil, dogma, 

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